


Honesty

by silversky



Series: Tumblr Prompts [4]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Crying, F/M, I'm sorry for hurting you my son, like a lot of crying, this poor boy needs a hug and I volunteer to give it to him
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-05-26 01:37:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6218500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silversky/pseuds/silversky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His alter ego may act cocky, but beneath Adrien's cheery demeanor is a mass of insecurities. And when Ladybug's crush is revealed they begin to wreak havoc—on Chat Noir and Adrien alike.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> original prompt: things you said that I wish you hadn’t  
>   
> Unedited, unbeta'd, each chapter probably spat out in one go after midnight. This is melodramatic af I'm sorry.

_“The boy I like is Adrien Agreste.”  
_

The words echoed incessantly through his head, hours after they were whispered on a desolate rooftop, almost drowned out by the thudding of his own nervous heart. The silken pillow pressed against his face did nothing to stop them now.

_“Adrien Agreste.”_

He couldn’t blame her for it, not when he’d pushed so hard, for so long. His overconfidence had become his undoing. No boy could overcome his charm, he’d thought, could measure up against the bond they’d forged through battling together for over a year.

_“Adrien.”  
_

She was in love with a mask. The Adrien the public knew was cobbled together from expectation upon expectation, a boy manufactured to be perfect. He didn’t make puns, or lose at video games, or ache over lost sweets. He didn’t feel like crying every time he made a friend. He didn’t fall in love.

_“I’m sorry Chat.”  
_

Adrien sat up to rub his simple silver ring, tears silently dripping down his nose. Ladybug had been honest only at his urging, letting loose her confession with wide, mournful eyes. She hadn’t wanted to hurt him, even then. He’d let himself be honest in return.

_“I wish I was him.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry?? I never thought my first foray into this fandom would be so sad but here we are. If you have fluff you want to give me to help me get over my self-inflicted heartbreak, come talk to me at [ my tumblr](http://theoncomingcroat.tumblr.com/).


	2. Chapter 2

“He’s probably not that great.”

Adrien felt the icy rush of relief spread through his bones as the sentence slipped from his anxious mouth. He’d been bottling his ballooning reaction up for almost a week, forcing out puns and jokes and cocky grins as if his world wasn’t slowly imploding, spiralling downwards into darkening despair. Finally, on this hot, sticky night when they were too tired to do more than play lookout from the top of the Eiffel Tower, his restraint failed him.

“What?”

Should he be relieved she didn’t know what he meant? Had he been that good at playing unaffected? But no. Ladybug’s shoulders were tense, her curious smile strained. She knew exactly what he was talking about, but was begging him with her eyes to drop it, to change the subject before it was too late. He couldn’t.

“Adrien Agreste, your lovely model crush. I bet he’s actually really boring.”

“Chat, please don’t—”

“I mean c’mon,” he interrupted her. A breeze briefly picked up, first of the night, the cool air energizing him enough to add an edge to his voice. “You think he was gifted with beauty _and_ brains? All fluff, no substance, that’s my honest impression.”

Ladybug’s jaw tightened, her whole body shifting from tired relaxation to guarded stress. He saw her this way often, every time they fought an akuma, but that chilling glare had never been directed at him. “How about you stop right there Chat?”

Even the obvious displeasure of his Lady couldn’t stop Adrien now. What was spilling out weren’t his insecurities from her revelation, angst that his civilian mask was more enticing than his true self. Those had subsided, pushed aside by greater insecurities he’d been repressing since he was old enough to understand that his life was so very different, now bubbling to the surface. He’d never have guessed that all it would take to bring them to light was the anonymity of a mask.

“All he does is flash his name or pretty face to get what he wants!” It felt so good to let it out, to admit what he’d quietly told himself for years. “He’s awkward and self-absorbed, which you gotta expect from a homeschooled kid. He gets everything handed to him, benefits of being rich and spoiled. I bet he doesn’t have real friends, just people taking pity on him and his loneliness. He’s dumb and dull and—”

“That is _enough_ ,” Ladybug hissed, eyes narrowed to slits. She rose to her feet, stance aggressive, voice shaking. “How dare you act like you know anything about him, as if this clearly isn’t you being petty and cruel?”

“Oh, like you know him?” Adrien jumped up, tail lashing with the unexpected anger flooding through him. He wouldn’t deny that this was cruel, but he was just being brutally honest goddamnit! If there was any person he was allowed to be cruel to, it was himself.

“Enough to know that you’re wrong!”

He snorted. He’d never felt this way towards his Lady, never wanted to shake her, scream at her until she realized he was _right,_ that for once he knew exactly what he was talking about. “Please. You know that he’s rich and famous and handsome. You wouldn’t like him if you knew those were his only qualities.”

“ _Shut up!_ ” 

Ladybug’s shout echoed down the tower, disturbing a pair of doves. They flew off together into the still night, a mocking symbol of peace. Wide green eyes blinked, the rage in her roar jolting him from his self-deprecating daze. Ladybug marched forwards, hand outstretched to shove him in the chest. He stumbled back.

“I cannot believe you.” Her voice, her whole body, was trembling. It finally dawned on Adrien that while talking about himself in the guise of a stranger was freeing, it also led to unforeseen consequences. Mainly making him sound like an outrageous jerk, jealous and vindictive and bitter.

“You’re allowed to be upset,” she continued in a low growl. “I’m not about to tell you to get over me in a flash. But this? You are so extremely out of line I can hardly believe you’re you.”

Adrien drew back, ears unconsciously flattening against his head. He’d hurt her, made her angry, but he was only being honest about himself, but she looked like she wanted to kick him or worse, but he was _right_. A small whine made its way out of his throat, pathetic in its confused desperation.

“Don’t act like you’re suddenly sorry.” She shoved him again, and this time he was so off-balance he tripped, falling to the ground with a heavy thud. Above him, a dark profile against the gleaming lights of the Tower, Ladybug looked like an akuma herself, a shadowy mass of fury and betrayal.

“ _I’m_ supposed to be upset. Me, not you. My best friend, my partner, the one person I thought I could trust…” She panted for breath, tears threatening to spill from her rapidly blinking eyes. “Are you trying to make me hate you?”

“No!” The cry was ripped from his gaping mouth before he could stop it. He sounded lost. He sounded scared. She thought he’d wanted to hurt her when it had only been about hurting himself, the way he was too hemmed in to do when he was simply Adrien. But she didn’t know that, couldn’t know that. And so he was trapped, with no explanation to give but silence and regret.

Ladybug shook her head, backing away from his still prone body. “You don’t know Adrien, Chat. You don’t know anything about him, or why I like him. And if you think badmouthing him, saying I’m so shallow that I’m beguiled by his looks and name, will make me fall at your feet?” She pulled out her yoyo, setting it atwirl. Her voice hiccuped as she finished. “Then I guess you don’t know me very well either.”

The tears finally fell, collecting on her eyelashes like tortured shining stars. She turned away, sending her yoyo off into the night. And then she was gone.

For the second time in less than a week, Adrien let himself sob. His head smacked the floor as he slumped fully onto his back, but he didn’t care. First he thought he’d lost the possibility of Ladybug’s love for Adrien, so sure he’d been that she was only entranced by his model image. But now, in trying to show her how unworthy his civilian persona was, he realized he’d lost something far more important.

“She hates me,” he whispered to the empty air. He’d tried to tell the truth, wrapped in rotten self-image and lingering doubt. All he’d done was destroy his bond with the person he respected more than anyone else.

He’d driven away someone who’d loved him.

And now he was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally a short prompt (that's what the first chapter is), but then I decided to turn it into a full-fledged fic. We'll see how this goes :/


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter length consistency? That sounds fake but ok.

Adrien pulled himself together, because he had nothing else. He laughed during photoshoots and kept up on his summer homework. Nathalie even complimented him on his recent dedication to his work, especially when he had the free time to be out with his friends instead, though she’d begun giving him strange looks he couldn’t decipher.

It didn’t matter that he woke almost every night in cold sweats, gasping for air against his crushing, inescapable loneliness. Or that he let all of Nino’s calls go to voicemail, each one more concerned and confused than the last. Or that since his fight with Ladybug, since the moment he realized quite how stupid and worthless he really was, he hadn’t transformed into Chat Noir.

He was fine. It wasn’t like he deserved anyone besides Plagg worrying about him anyway.

xx

“This isn’t the route home.”

The abrupt turn temporarily interesting him in the world outside his gloomy thoughts, Adrien stared curiously at Nathalie. She didn’t look up, continuing to briskly tap away at her tablet, but replied, “You’re correct, it is not.”

“Are we going to another job?” He hoped not. The effort involved in posing and smiling when all he wanted to do was curl into a ball was beginning to make him dread work. Even if they provided uncomplicated distractions, they took too much out of him for him to enjoy back to back bookings.

“No.” More tapping, now accompanied by a slight frown as she swiped to a new item.

“Do I get any say in this mysterious trip?”

“No.”

Adrien sighed, returning to staring out the window at the passing streets. Nathalie wasn’t in a sharing mood, so there was no point in pushing. He’d find out what new activity he had in store whenever he got there. Until then, he could easily lose himself in his thoughts again.

“Are you alright, Adrien?”

That was unexpected. Keeping track of his emotional well-being wasn’t exactly part of Nathalie’s job description, but there she was nevertheless, peering inquisitively at him from the other side of the wide leather seat they shared. She’d even put aside the tablet she’d been so attached to only moments before to focus on his reaction.

“Yes?”

“Hmm.” And there it was again, that strange considering look, as if Nathalie was trying to read him like she read his father’s contracts.

“Why?” He thought he’d adequately hidden his worsening mood, but maybe Nathalie knew him better than he’d assumed. Still, even if she did guess, he wasn’t going to talk about it. ‘ _See, I’m secretly Chat Noir, but because I’m actually a horrible person I made Ladybug hate me and now I’m too scared to even talk to her_.’ That conversation would go swimmingly, he could see it now.

“Your friends are worried about you.” Before Adrien could reply, almost as if she had timed the conversation down to the second, the limo pulled to a stop outside a small cafe. And sitting at a table, munching away at a plate of cookies, were Nino, Alya, and Marinette.

“Nathalie!” What had she done? He couldn’t act like nothing was wrong around those three, they _knew_ him. Adrien felt his heart begin to pound. They were going to want to talk but he’d screw up as soon as he opened his mouth and they’d realize he wasn’t worth being friends with and then he wouldn’t have _anyone_.

“You wouldn’t pick up your phone, so they got creative.” Nathalie’s normally impassive expression turned almost tender as his door opened. “If you won’t talk to me Adrien, please talk to your friends. Or at least go outside, have some fun. You shouldn’t be alone all the time.”

It was too late to talk his way out if it, and he was sure she’d planned it that way. Adrien plastered on an excited smile as he slipped out of the limo. He could fake being happy; he’d been doing it for years.

“Hey guys,” he waved. They all looked up: Nino, face unusually somber; Alya, phone for once nowhere in sight; and Marinette, whose red-rimmed eyes stood out against her pale—

Wait, what? “Marinette, what’s wrong?” He dropped into the chair across from her, his own distress shoved away. In the year he’d known her Adrien had never seen Marinette look so upset.

“You see!” Alya exclaimed. “Even Mr. ‘too busy to inform his friends he’s alive’ can tell something’s up within seconds. This is clearly getting to you.”

Marinette shook her head. “I told you, it’s not as bad as you think. I’m a little out of sorts, that’s all.”

“‘A little out of sorts’ she says,” Alya scoffed, turning to Adrien. “Try crying her eyes out for over a week because some asshole won’t take no for an answer. And I only found out yesterday. Seriously, suddenly she’s almost as bad as you are about talking about her feelings.”

“I don’t know about that,” Nino added, raising an eyebrow. “Dude, I had to find out you weren’t akumatized or something from _Nathalie,_ and I bet she had to trick you into coming here too. You wanna tell me what’s up?”

“Not important,” Adrien said, and he meant it. His issues were his own fault, and he didn’t want to burden anyone else with them. But someone harassing Marinette, making her cry? That needed to be dealt with immediately. “Please Marinette, what happened?”

Marinette shifted nervously, but seemed to realize there was no getting out of the conversation. “There’s this guy,” she began.

“One of her best friends apparently,” Alya immediately interrupted. “So of course I’ve never even heard of him until now. Great communication there.”

“I already told you I’m allowed to have a life of my own,” Marinette snapped. “Do you want me to tell this story or not?”

“Sorry.”

“Alright then,” she said, then nervously looked back at Adrien. He marveled at how a meeting likely about addressing his own problems had so quickly become about Marinette’s. Was his bad luck catching?

“So this guy.” She reached up to play anxiously with one of her pigtails. “He’s liked me for a while, I guess? I thought his flirting was a joke but he started getting serious and then I rejected him, because I-I-I’m just not interested. That’s all, no other reason. Only he didn’t take it well and said some awful things, and then I got mad and yelled at him before storming off and I haven’t heard from him since.”

“Wait, he’s avoiding you?” Nino asked, leaning forward curiously. “You didn’t mention that before.”

Apparently Adrien was the only one out of the loop. So caught up in his own failings he couldn’t be there for one of his closest friends? How selfish. He needed to stop worrying about himself and things he couldn’t change. Marinette deserved better.

“Yeah.” She sighed slowly. “There’s certain, um, stuff we usually do together, but he hasn’t shown up. I’m still mad at him, of course, and I plan on getting an apology, but I haven’t stopped caring. I wish I knew he was ok.”

“The way I see it, you’ve got two explanations,” Nino said. He held up a finger. “One, he’s an asshole who’s dropped you now that he knows why you’re unavailable.”

“If he did I’ll break his kneecaps,” Alya grouched. Adrien felt himself nod along.

“Or two,” Nino continued, with a warning glare at his girlfriend. “He realized he screwed up, but is so ashamed he can’t face you. You’re scary when you’re angry Marinette; if I messed up big time I wouldn’t want to get in your way either.”

“It’s definitely not option one,” Marinette said, absentmindedly shredding a napkin as she spoke. The white scraps floated down to join the crumbs on her plate like impossible summer snow. “Like I said, he’s really not a bad guy. But I still don’t even know why he did it, apart from…” She inexplicably glanced at Adrien, then away. “Anyway, this is all so stupid—how can I be angry and worried at the same time?”

Adrien grimaced at her trembling words. Marinette was one of the greatest people he knew. When they’d met he’d resigned himself to them only having a hesitant friendship, but as the months had passed they’d gotten closer. Eventually she’d even stopped stuttering around him for the most part, a clear sign (he hoped) that she’d forgiven him for his disastrous first impression. Nobody should be allowed to make such an amazing person so at odds with themselves.

“Do you want me to use my father’s influence to track him down?” he asked. “I could have a talk with him, man to man.” Even as Chat Noir he wasn’t very intimidating, but the Agreste name might do something to get this guy to back off. It was the least he could do to repay Marinette for deigning to be his friend.

“Not you!” the three other teens all shouted at once, Marinette almost jumping from her chair with the force of her cry. Adrien shrunk down into his seat. Did they know something he didn’t? He just wanted to help, so why...oh.

“Sorry,” he whispered, pulling his arms in for a clumsy sort of hug. He couldn’t believe he’d let himself forget. “I know I’m not any good at...I mean, you’re right of course, I’d screw it up, make things worse...I’m sorry, really, just forget that I…”

Adrien proceeded to shove a cookie into his mouth, stoppering up the babble he couldn’t halt on his own. They didn’t need his angst spilling everywhere, not when they had Marinette’s real problems to work on.

His companions shared a quick series of looks, then Nino said gently, “Adrien, are you...I mean, is anything going on? You can talk to us if something’s bothering you.”

They knew. Oh god, they knew. Adrien frantically shook his head, keeping his mouth tightly closed. The mood he was in, who knew what he might word-vomit if given the chance.

“Are you sure?” Marinette asked. Her voice was soft, her eyes wide and concerned. Adrien’s stomach lurched. He didn’t want to lie, not to her.

“I don’t want to worry you guys,” he croaked.

Alya smiled. “We’re your friends Adrien, we’re going to worry whether you tell us what’s up or not.”

“That’s just it though.” He had to force the words out past the lump of self-doubt and rejection lodged in his throat. “Why are you friends with me? I don’t have anything to offer, not really. I mean, you’re all so cool. In comparison I’m pretty...average.”

“You have literally been in more magazines than I’ve read,” Nino said. “I don’t think that counts as ‘average’.”

“No no, that’s Adrien the model, Adrien the spoiled rich kid.” How didn’t they see the difference? “When I’m just me I’m boring.”

“Trust me, if you were boring I wouldn’t hang out with you.” Alya flipped her hair with over-exaggerated flair. “I have good taste.”

“She’s right,” Nino said. “Remember the movie Alya and I made? You were so awesome helping us out with it, really stepped up. And that was you, not your dad’s money.”

“We all like you Adrien, for better or worse.” Marinette blushed. “I...I mean that you’re great, so of course we...that is, you have so many qualities…” She hung her head and groaned.

“What Marinette means to say,” Alya snickered. “Is that for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health—”

“Alya!”

“—we will love and cherish you until death do us part. We don’t care that you don’t talk about your feelings, or that your dad keeps you busy, or that you insist on making horrible puns. You’re stuck with us kid.”

Adrien’s mouth parted. It didn’t make any sense. They knew his flaws, knew he wasn’t perfect, but liked him anyway? Sure, they didn’t know everything about him, all the mistakes and doubts he kept hidden away, but still. Maybe...maybe around them being Adrien, awkward, silly Adrien, was ok.

“What even brought this on anyway?” Nino asked. “You’re not exactly hurting for admirers.”

‘ _The boy I like is Adrien Agrest_.’ Ladybug’s confession still burned, and Adrien felt himself begin to sweat. Less than perfection might be acceptable around his friends, but Ladybug was different. She merited nothing but the best. If she found out her crush floundered when faced with new social situations, was the same Chat she’d said again and again was nothing more than a friend, she’d be so disappointed. Disgusted. Horrified. Even now he could see the flash of fury battling despair in her eyes during her last words to him, cutting him to pieces.

“Hey,” Alya rushed to say as Adrien sucked in a shaky breath. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. We’ll be here whatever you decide.”

A little hopeful light began to burn in Adrien’s chest. He’d never had this kind of support before. It was always either ‘ _man up, get over it_ ’, or ‘ _talk about it now, we’re too busy to spend more time on this_ ’. Being given the time and space to decide how to ask for help (an unheard of option in and of itself) was shockingly new.

“So how about I change the subject?” Alya clapped after a long moment. “I already told Nino this, but did you two hear about Chat Noir?”

Adrien choked on the sip of lemonade he’d been sneaking from Nino’s glass, and across the table from him Marinette let out a little gasp. Alya grinned. “You _do_ keep up with the Ladyblog. I knew I could count on you guys to support my journalistic endeavors.”

“No I,” Adrien coughed, trying to calm his suddenly racing heart. Talking about his alter-ego without revealing himself? Hard enough to do at the best of times, which this definitely was not. “I just watched the news, sorry.”

“Then you don’t know my theory!” Alya leaned towards him excitedly. “You at least know that Chat Noir hasn’t shown up to fight the last two akumas, right?”

Adrien nodded. Those had been some of the worst hours of his life: knowing that his Lady was out there, fighting evil without backup, because of his mistakes. But he couldn’t do it. She didn’t want him there, he knew that, and the thought of showing up to help and having her turn her back on him again made him feel nauseous. She was better off without him.

“Well, after yesterday’s I managed to grab Ladybug and ask her what was going on.” Alya grinned proudly at the accomplishment, but Adrien wasn’t surprised. His partner had always had a softspot for the Ladyblogger, though he didn’t know why. “She said he was busy with his civilian life and would return to fighting when he could.”

“You don’t think that’s the truth?” Marinette asked. Adrien noticed that her face was even paler than before. He hadn’t taken Marinette as someone who was so afraid of akumas. Maybe she’d been caught up in a recent attack? Yet another way he’d failed, another thing to feel guilty about.

“No way.” After glancing around quickly, Alya lowered her voice conspiratorially. “I like to think I’ve gotten pretty good at reading Ladybug in my time reporting on her and Chat Noir. She’s covering for something. I don’t think she knows where he is.”

“You seem awfully sure for a theory based on, what? Ladybug’s facial expressions?” Marinette frowned. “He really could be busy.”

“Yeah,” Adrien agreed. “He could be busy, they could have realized he’s not much help, there’s lots of possibilities.”

“Oh shit dude,” Nino muttered as Marinette turned to gape at him. “You just set off the Chat Noir Defence Squad.”

“You don’t think Chat Noir is helpful?” There was an edge to Marinette’s voice that instinctively had him draw back.

“Not really?” He thought about all the times he’d gotten in the way or had to be rescued by Ladybug. The list was too long for comfort. “Not as much as Ladybug is anyway. She’s awesome enough to do it on her own.”

“He and Ladybug are _partners_ ,” Marinette said emphatically. “She needs him.” As she spoke a far away look appeared in her eyes. “No matter what happens,” she added, a little quieter, “she’ll always need him.”

“But she’s stronger than him,” Adrien pressed. “Ladybug’s the one who cleanses the akumas, Chat Noir’s the distraction. And not even a very good one. Have you forgotten all times he’s been taken over by villains? At best he’s Ladybug’s sidekick. He couldn’t do it by himself, not like she obviously can.”

That, at least, he knew for sure. During the akuma attacks he’d skipped he’d been glued to his tv, dreading any sign that Ladybug was in trouble. There wasn’t any. She’d jumped and spun and taunted, just like she always had, and in the end the akumas were cleansed and the city was set to rights. Everyone had been perfectly fine without his help.

And yet Marinette disagreed. “Ladybug barely won those last two fights! And those were easy akumas anyway. What is she going to do if she has to fight another Darkblade alone? Or another Rogercop? It doesn’t matter that one on one she’s the stronger fighter; they’re stronger together.”

 _‘Chat Noir and I, we make a great team.’_ Adrien remembered Ladybug saying that when they’d fought an akumatized Chloe. But did she still believe it, after everything he’d done? He was doubtful.

“Wow,” Nino said into the ensuing silence, both Adrien and Marinette searching for what to say next. “Since when do you two know so much about Paris’ superheroes?”

“I mean really.” Alya looked around the table with her investigation face. “I knew those akumas were pretty low-level because it’s my job to notice things like that. I’m surprised you can even remember akuma names, let alone tell which ones are strong.”

“I pay attention,” Marinette squeaked. She glared at her friend with an indignation that seemed, to Adrien’s eyes, a little forced. Before he could start to examine how he knew that, or why Marinette would need to lie, she sighed. “Why are we even fighting about this anyway? I’m tired of fighting.”

Guilt crashed over Adrien. It seemed no matter who he talked to, his opinions on himself always ended up troubling someone. Ladybug, Marinette—neither of them deserved to feel bad because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

“I’m sorry Marinette,” he apologized. “You’re stressed enough as it is, I shouldn’t have pushed.”

Marinette paused, as if the reality of what she’d been doing had only just come to her. Her cheeks reddened. “Oh, no, it’s ok. I’m sort of, a fan? Of Chat Noir, that is.” The words made her mouth twist disbelievingly.

A fan? Of Chat Noir? Adrien hadn’t known those existed; people usually either liked them both equally or focused all their attention on Ladybug. It was understandable, if a bit disappointing.

“He rescued me from an akuma once!” Marinette continued hurriedly. “That’s how I know him. He’s brash and flirty and tells way too many puns, but he seemed cool too. And absolutely important.”

Adrien remembered that. It had been him and his classmate up against the Evillustrator, and she’d been marvelous. Brave, confident, clever. She’d been so different from the Marinette he saw at school, the one who kept him at arm’s length, and ever since he’d wanted to be her friend even more.

“I just...” She smiled, a sad thing that didn’t reach her tired eyes. “I think he should come back, that’s all. Whatever’s going on, whether he’s busy or hurt or…” Her voice softened further. “Or scared, he’s part of a team. Paris would be a darker place without him.”

The sun beat down. The air around them moved with nothing but the low chatter of nearby tables. And captured by the earnest blue eyes of someone who inexplicably saw worth in both sides of him, Adrien came to a decision.

"I wouldn't give up on him just yet."

More than his romantic feelings, more than his fear, Ladybug was his friend. If nothing else she’d earned an explanation. If he failed he knew three people who hadn’t abandoned him yet after all. And for Marinette, his first fan, who thought he was important? For her he could be brave. For her, he would be strong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this any good? I honestly can't tell anymore I have read this _so_ many times over the past few days. This chapter was just supposed to be a convo about Chat Noir but then Marinette needed to explain herself and everyone noticed Adrien freaking out and suddenly we've passed 4k on what was originally a 200 word oneshot. Ugh.
> 
> Also everyone thank you so much for your comments! I may not have replied to all of them (yet) but know that they kept me writing when I felt like bashing my head against my keyboard. You're all amazing :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's only been *glances at calendar* a day less than 4 months since my last update. I'd like to say I have a good explanation, but I don't. Hopefully this makes up for the wait though? Mostly written while listening to Stay by Rhianna, so if you wanna share my mood put that on repeat and have fun :)

Adrien took a deep breath, then another.

And another.

And a couple more after that.

When a few minutes had passed of nothing but Adrien getting as much oxygen as humanly possible, Plagg piped up from his spot on the boy’s shoulder. “Can you make up your mind? You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but it’s getting late. Either go talk to her or go to sleep.”

“Sorry,” Adrien said automatically, and opened his eyes. A cool night breeze blew into his bedroom through the open window he stood before, brushing against his sweat-soaked skin and making him shiver. He’d delayed long enough. If he backed down now, Adrien had the feeling he’d never work up the courage to make things right.

“Plagg,” he whispered, then cleared his throat, trying again. “Plagg.” His voice was stronger now, insistent, sure. “Claws out!”

The rush of green and black was exhilarating after even a week of its absence. Adrien had missed this. He leapt onto the window frame and stared out at the brightly lit city. His city. Paris was his—his to enjoy and his to protect—and he’d hidden away from her for too long. A brief twirl of his baton, an instinctual check of its integrity, and he was away.

Adrien let himself get lost in the feel of being Chat Noir again, reveling in the ability to leap over busy streets and vanish almost instantly into gloomy rooftop shadows alike. He’d let his fear keep him away from this, both his duty and his joy, but no longer. He knew now that even if he were rejected, told by his lady that he truly was useless and irredeemable (as his insecurities still insisted he would), he had people to turn to.

Nino, his first and best friend, who’d begun the long process of bringing him out of his shell and made sure to help when his anxieties got the best of him. Alya, who was just as straightforward and honest with Chat as she was with Adrien, or anyone else. Despite drifting into her circle because of his friendship with her boyfriend, Adrien could tell she saw him as a friend too, no different from any other boy she might meet. And then there was Marinette. Sweet, kind, surprisingly brave Marinette, who’d encouraged him without even realizing it. She believed in him, all of him, and her support had set a fire in his heart that had remained steady since that afternoon. There was something familiar about that feeling, Adrien was beginning to realize, if only he could put a name to it. It danced just on the edge of understanding, a revelation an inch out of reach. But he put it out of his mind. He could focus on Marinette after he’d met with Ladybug.

“Chat!”

As if summoned by his thoughts, a red and black blur sped across the rooftops, skidding to a stop a few feet away from where Adrien had paused, frozen. Ladybug stared at him, gaze intensely focused. Was she about to yell at him for returning where he wasn’t wanted? The fear that had debilitated Adrien for the past week came crashing back, pushing him a step away. It took all his strength not to turn and run.

“You’re alright,” Ladybug whispered, voice wavering. “I thought maybe…” She gulped, then suddenly launched herself forward. Her arms wrapped viselike around his shoulders as she clung to him, shaking. The feeling of her head tucking itself between his neck and shoulder made Adrien’s heart race. Did he dare hope he was forgiven? Might he be allowed to return?

Before Adrien could convince his arms to rise and embrace his partner in turn, Ladybug pulled back, glaring at him with shimmering eyes. “ _Where were you?_ ” she hissed. “When you fight with your friends you don’t abandon them with no explanation, you talk it out. I thought something had happened to you!”

“I…” Adrien tried to answer, but his throat locked. He could feel his ears and tail droop pathetically, unconscious physical manifestations of his distress. “I didn’t think…”

“That’s right you didn’t think!” Ladybug growled. Whereas Adrien could hardly force himself to speak, it seemed as if Ladybug was having the opposite problem, words spilling out from sheer force of emotion. “I’ve been covering the best I can, but what was I supposed to do when people started catching on? Alya from the Ladyblog’s already figured out you’d just vanished. Did you want me telling everyone we had a fight because you decided to be a jealous idiot and I hadn’t seen you since? You can’t do this kind of thing. We’re superheroes Chat; we have a responsibility to do our jobs, no matter what!”

Ladybug pants were the only sound on the empty rooftop as she finished her rant, hands clenched tightly by her sides. Feeling strangely numb at her accusations, Adrien only stared at his partner, noting in detached interest that her face was growing unaccustomedly pale, anger gone like it had never existed. She reached up a hesitant hand, gesturing towards his own face. “Chat?” she whispered.

Adrien brushed his gloved fingertips against his cheek, noticing an odd wetness, almost as if…Oh. He appeared to be crying. His breaths too, he felt with growing awareness, were short and quick, bursting from his mouth in heavy blasts that burned his lungs. And then the full weight of his emotions rushed through him. He staggered, knees almost buckling.

“I’m _so sorry_ ,” he choked out, closing his eyes as more tears slipped down. Of course she was angry. Of course she wasn’t going to forgive him. His friends might accept him for himself, but Ladybug was the heroine of Paris, beautiful and strong and untouchable. What had he been thinking trying to chase after her, as Adrien or Chat? She’d never want Chat, she’d made that clear, and he knew Adrien was just as flawed, probably more so. He should have just let her be, never revealing his crush or asking after her own. Then they’d still be friends. Then he’d at least still get to be around her.

“I’m sorry,” Adrien tried again. “I know I…I screwed up. I know I _am_ screwed up. You deserve better than me, as a partner and a friend, I realize that now. I just wanted to…to apologize, if I could, maybe see if you’d let me fight again? But you don’t need me, I get it, I—”

“Chaton, _stop_.” Ladybug’s voice wavered as she begged. He did, eyes twitching open to see that…she was crying too? When their eyes met she reached out, grabbing one of his slack hands and pulling it to her chest. Beneath his palm, rising and falling with each of her frantic gasps, her heartbeat was a skittering rhythm of near panic.

“You’re mine,” she whispered fiercely, fingertips digging into the fabric of his suit. “To the end of the line, I’m yours and you are mine. I won’t let anything change that, not fights or crushes or Hawkmoth himself. No matter what you do, no matter what you feel, I should never have let you doubt that you are my partner, my best friend, and I am _never_ letting you think you need to run away again.”

Adrien swayed, bracing himself against Ladybug’s chest. He whimpered. “But I’m not—”

Ladybug’s grip tightened. “You’re not what? Important? I _need_ you Chat. I can’t do this without you, I don’t want to do this without you. Whatever’s hurt you this much, whatever I did to add to that hurt, we’ll deal with it together. That’s what I’m here for, and I’m not leaving you, I promise.”

It was too much. Adrien stumbled forward, collapsing on his smaller partner to sob into her shoulder. One arm slipped across his back as he shook, alternating between gently rubbing and holding on desperately, like she was afraid he’d vanish if she stopped for a second.

“I’m still so sorry,” he tried to reiterate through his tears, but Ladybug stopped him.

“And I forgive you.” She loosed her grip on his hand, still crushed between them, and moved it up to start stroking his hair. “We all make mistakes, it’s ok. Just, don’t leave again, alright? I’ll never be so mad that I’ll want that.”

“Never,” Adrien promised instantly. His words were muffled by her suit, but he hoped she could hear his sincerity. Impossible as it had seemed even minutes earlier, Ladybug wanted him, despite his flaws. Just like his friends had promised they still loved Adrien, Ladybug…Ladybug still loved Chat. And that was a gift rare enough in Adrien’s life that he would never let himself run from it again.

“Good.” Ladybug sighed, then brushed a chaste kiss against his cheek. Her tears mingled with his own as she pulled him in closer, faces pressing together. She held him, as the minutes passed and his breaths began to slow. He held her, returning the favor of soothing hands against a trembling back. They held each other, giving in for once to their need for comfort and love. The night grew darker, but both were sure there was nowhere they were needed more than right where they were. And so they stayed. Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who thought this was gonna end with an identity reveal? *raises own hand* I'm not really sure where to go from here, and it feels pretty complete as is, so I'm marking it as finished. Seeing as that was my opinion on the first chapter of this thing though, I can't guarantee I won't return at some point, maybe even work in that identity reveal I was so certain this was all leading too. I don't know, we'll have to see. Hope you all enjoyed this angst fest! If you did, please leave a kudos or comment, or come talk to me on [ my tumblr](http://theoncomingcroat.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Oh, and for anyone following my other ML fic, here's the deal. While trying to figure out where to go next I had a major crisis of characterization and realized I had to go back to the drawing board (aka why I should never be allowed to post WIPs). It's still being worked on, never fear, but to keep any more unintentional hiatuses from happening I'm waiting until I've finished to start posting again. I can't say when that will be, unfortunately, but it is not abandoned and I do hope to get it up for you guys one of these days.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, my resolve to leave this fic where it ended last chapter lasted all of...the time I was sleeping? I love this little universe too much, I couldn't leave it where it was. We're moving on to act two folks, get ready. For what? I don't know yet, but I bet it's gonna be awesome!

Adrien’s life in the coming weeks was…weird. While Adrien knew Ladybug had forgiven him, he still felt awful about how he’d let his insecurities get in the way of their partnership, not to mention their job protecting Paris. That guilt, as well as his brain’s lingering insistence that it wouldn’t last, that he was bound to screw up again and lose everyone, made him hesitant and withdrawn. And Ladybug, despite her earlier outpouring of feelings, didn’t seem to know how to act around him anymore. At times she seemed desperate to pretend everything was normal, cracking jokes and pushing him around like nothing had changed. Other times she was awkwardly affectionate, trying to slip hugs or compliments into normal conversations before continuing on with burning cheeks. The emotional whiplash was disorienting (how was he supposed to act, if he didn’t know what she wanted?) and Adrien just wished they could stop avoiding the real issue.

Ladybug's crush on Adrien Agreste.

Since their fight neither of the two superheroes had mentioned the topic. Adrien wanted to explain himself, but the idea of lying to Ladybug was repellant, and his only other option was a truth the boy wasn’t ready to reveal. So he let it sit, the elephant in the room, wondering if they’d ever return to the easy camaraderie they’d shared before he’d set this catastrophe in motion.

Adrien’s friends, too, were taking steps to change his routine. They’d somehow arranged things with Nathalie so that he spent time with at least one of them every day, either hanging out at arcades or movie theaters (in Nino’s case), or being dragged off to a park to help look after a seemingly endless number of younger siblings (Alya’s apparent best plan to keep him busy). There were no questions about his earlier disappearance, but there was instead a noticeable increase of compliments and comforting touches. If he didn’t know better, Adrien would wonder if Ladybug and his friends were colluding, their attempts at affection were so similar.

Marinette, for reasons that Adrien couldn’t figure out, was acting the strangest of anyone. They’d been friends for a while, but her shyness around him had never receded to the point where they spent much time together alone. He hadn’t even returned to her house after his first visit to train for the Mecha Strike tournament, almost a year ago. Which was why it was so odd that of all his friends she’d been the most attentive, slipping him little gifts of sweets and freely admitting she was the one behind the friend schedule. It was also why, just as Adrien was beginning to think everyone might start giving him space again, he was so shocked to be invited over to help her with her newest project. The two of them, by themselves in her house. Unprecedented.

“Are you alright?” Marinette asked, staring down at him as he poked his head up through the trapdoor in her floor. She wrung her hands for a moment, mouth twisting. “Not about—I mean, about being here, not in general, you don’t have to talk to me about that, actually, forget I said anything.”

She pressed her palms over her eyes as Adrien fully entered the room and he couldn’t help but snort. Marinette was so _cute_ sometimes. “Marinette, it’s ok, I know what you meant.”

“Although,” he added slowly, settling carefully onto a bright pink beanbag. Marinette peeked out at him through her fingers during his long pause.

Did he want to talk to Marinette? She was kind and understanding in a way that was unlike anyone else he knew. She was protective too, and after her part in helping him gain the courage to talk to Ladybug Adrien was pretty confident she wouldn’t turn on him. He felt safe with her, almost as safe as he felt with his partner. If there was anyone he could tell even a portion of his troubles to, it was Marinette.

But wanting to talk to her didn’t mean he should. After all, it involved his identity as Chat Noir. If Marinette knew she’d be in danger. And honestly (though Adrien didn’t like to admit it), he wasn’t sure what she’d think. She seemed so impressed with his alter ego; would he still have her admiration when she found out the truth?

“Nevermind,” Adrien said at last, shaking his head. Marinette let out a little sigh, as if she were disappointed by his reticence, and he searched his memory for a change of topic. “Oh, by the way, you never mentioned—how are things going with your friend? The one you fought with?”

Marinette squeaked—actually _squeaked—_ and turned quickly away. She busied herself with organizing the sewing materials on her desk, but Adrien could see the tips of her ears were red. He shrunk down, ashamed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was still a sensitive subject.” Of course it was a sensitive subject, she’d cried about it, he was such an idiot. Why was he always putting his foot in his mouth?

“No it’s fine,” Marinette rushed, but she didn’t turn to face him. “I don’t know if I should really talk about it though.”

“Why not?” Adrien was intrigued now. Were she or her friend in some sort of trouble? “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but maybe I could help. If there’s a problem, I mean.”

Something about his words made Marinette laugh, a single huff that didn’t sound happy so much as incredulous. “Oh there’s a problem, there’s definitely a problem. It’s just kinda personal, both for me and him, so I can’t give you specifics. I’m serious about that; Alya wouldn’t let me be and I’m not talking about it to her at all now.”

“I won’t push,” Adrien promised. Anything that made Marinette keep a secret from Alya was important. Besides, he knew all too well the necessity of secrets. “He is back though. That’s good news, right?”

Marinette finally turned, arms full of fabric. She walked over to a mannequin hidden away in a corner and started pinning. “Yeah, we’re talking again. He actually came looking for me the day we dragged you out, and…” Her voice grew softer. “He’s really messed up, Adrien. Not just about our fight, I mean about a lot of things, things I never even realized. I don’t know what to do.”

Crap. This sounded like it was emotional issues, which Adrien was not the best at handling, especially when he was busy ignoring his own. “Do you know his friends? His parents?” he offered. “You’re one person Marinette, you can’t be expected to fix someone’s problems by yourself.”

“I wish it were that easy. I wasn’t sure until recently, but,” she paused, nervously smoothing down an errant flap of cloth. “I don’t think he has anyone but me. Anyway, I’m his par—his best friend. It’s my job to help him.”

“That’s not how it works,” Adrien said. This, at least, he was sure of. “No one’s mental health is anyone’s job, no matter how important their relationship. Take you and Alya and Nino. You guys are trying to take care of me, and I appreciate it, I really do, but ultimately what happens to me isn’t your responsibility.”

“But you’re our friend!” Marinette exclaimed, spinning from her work to face him. “If we don’t help you, who will?”

“Professionals?” Adrien answered before he could stop himself. That was not a road he wanted to lead his friends down. His issues didn’t deserve that kind of attention, not like Marinette’s friend’s probably did. “If your friend’s alone, that’s all the more reason for him to find a trained _adult_ to talk to. We’re still kids Marinette. We can’t do everything.”

“But—” Marinette growled, glaring down at her instinctively flailing hands. Adrien noticed in a flash of perception that this was the most intense Marinette had ever been with him. He’d seen her energetic and focused around other people, but with him she was usually shy and clumsy, keeping the mania he knew she could produce hidden. For her to show it now, either something had changed between the two of them, or her feelings for this boy were stronger than he’d realized. It was probably the latter, and Adrien didn’t know why the idea that Marinette cared so deeply about this stranger left him unsettled.

“Talk to him,” he pressed. “Tell him you want to help, that you’ll be there for him as long as you can, but if he’s in trouble he needs to get real help.”

“I am real help,” Marinette snapped. She crossed her arms against her pale blue shirt (that brought out the color of her angrily gleaming eyes, and why was that knowledge making his breath catch?) and huffed. “It’s none of your business anyway; he’s my friend, not yours.”

Adrien pushed down the reply bubbling up. He didn’t know whether he should be feeling so remorseful at the first sign of anger, but his feelings aside Marinette had a point. “You’re right,” he conceded, staring down at his bag lying next to his feet. Was she going to ask him to leave now? “I promised I wouldn’t push, and you obviously know his situation better than I do. I wanted to help, that’s all.”

A long silence, then soft footsteps made their way over to him. “I know that,” Marinette said, crouching to rest a hand on his shoulder. He risked raising his head and saw that she was smiling ruefully. “I’m sorry for losing my temper, I’m just really worried about him. And he’s mine, you know? I don’t like thinking he needs anyone else.”

“He’s that important to you, huh?” Adrien ignored the way his stomach was twisting at the question. He had no right to be, what, jealous? So Marinette had another good friend. That wouldn’t change their own friendship, and if he could just convince himself of that maybe he’d stop feeling so unreasonably upset.

“Yeah,” Marinette admitted, smiling to herself. “He’s loud and silly and has the _worst_ sense of humor, but he’s also brave and kind and loyal. I don’t know where I’d be without him.”

Adrien gripped Marinette’s hand where it still lay on his shoulder. “Then I hope everything works out. If you care about him that much, I’m sure he deserves the world.”

Marinette blinked rapidly, eyes flicking between their hands and Adrien’s face, much closer to hers now than he’d realized. She blushed, cheeks a deeper red than he’d seen them in a while, and pulled back, dashing over to her mannequin. “R-Right,” she stuttered, pulling randomly on the hanging fabric. “Well, maybe not the world, no one deserves all of that, but a lot, sure, yes, I agree.”

There was an awkward pause when she trailed off, neither teen exactly knowing what to do next. The atmosphere from their conversation was too heavy to easily brush aside, but there wasn’t much more they could say. Finally, Adrien stood. “You mentioned you wanted my help with your design?”

“Yes!” Marinette latched eagerly onto the new subject, pulling him over to her sketchbook and pointing out different design aspects she wanted his opinion on. Adrien didn’t have the heart to tell her being a model and designer’s son didn’t necessarily mean he had the same eye for fashion, but he gave what insight he could. It turned out spending time with her, one on one, was…it was nice.

“Thank you,” he whispered involuntarily, keeping his attention locked on the dress sketch before them.

“For what?” Even without seeing her, Adrien could picture Marinette’s face, head tilted and eyes squinting curiously at his seemingly random comment.

“For being such a good friend. To me and that other boy. He’s really lucky to have you. So am I.”

“The feeling goes both ways.” Marinette pulled him in for a brief, one armed hug, not looking at him either. “I’m lucky to have you guys too.” Then she did twist to meet his gaze, smile big and bright and beautiful. “I’m not giving up on either of you.”

Adrien believed her. The affection in the room was palpable, and it made him want to transform into Chat Noir and carry her away to Paris’ most breathtaking sights, or curl up in her arms and never let go. He grinned, hoping she could tell how much her words meant to him. “I know.”

“Good,” Marinette nodded, then went back to work as if nothing had happened. It made Adrien grin wider. How like Marinette, to not even realize the help she gave just by existing. He chuckled to himself, then buckled down to enjoy the happiness filling his heart, while it stayed. Adrien had the feeling Marinette might be able to make it stay quite a long while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet again, a scene with Marinette ended up being about twice as long as I was expecting it to be. She just really wants to talk about Chat Noir, I guess. Plus I get an unnatural amount of glee from the dramatic irony of knowing she's talking about Chat to Chat, so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Okay, I wanna talk about the "you can't be the only one to help your friends" bit, just in case anyone is confused. Basically I've been feeling like this fic has been drifting way too close to the shitty Love Cures Everything trope. Someone giving you a hug and saying they want to help you isn't going to magically fix the kind of issues our smol cat son has. A support system is very important, but it can't be all you rely on. Unfortunately, I interpret Marinette as a loyal Slytherin to her core, so she's the kind of person to _want_ to be someone's cure, despite knowing that's not how it works. But, since in my experience it's a lot easier to see past the bullshit of someone else's problems than your own, the identity shenanigans were the perfect way for Adrien to give Marinette an unbiased opinion on what she should do about, well, him. So hopefully that unhealthy dynamic's been nipped in the bud (or has it??? lol idk).
> 
> Thanks for sticking around guys, and for all your comments, kudos, and subscriptions. I can't promise the next update will be anywhere near as quick as this one was, but I sincerely hope it doesn't take as long as the last one did. I hope you enjoyed!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *crawls out from under the crushing pile of my new fandoms*
> 
> Happy... *coughs dramatically* ...happy one year anniversary from my last update guys. Sup?

Mirror upon mirror crashed to the ground as Adrien ran, blasting shards of glass across his zigzagging path. If he were transformed he’d have already made some sort of joke about black cats and bad luck, but as things stood it was all he could do to avoid getting any injuries more serious than the few scratches oozing blood on his arms.

“Come back here!”

Another mirror appeared in front of the door he’d been aiming for, shattering as Adrien threw himself around a random corner in the maze of hallways to avoid getting caught in the reflection. He escaped the worst of the spray, but still felt a number of sharp cuts on his back as he scrambled forward, a sure sign he’d been hit once again. She was gaining on him.

“How dare you run from me?” the akuma snarled, her voice booming despite being out of sight. “I am Picture Perfect. You should be dying to be seen with my beauty.” She paused, then a low chuckle echoed down the long hallway, spurring Adrien to run even faster. “And if that’s what it takes, so be it.”

Another door, this one thankfully unlocked and unguarded. Adrien fell through and let it click shut once more, ready to transform as soon as he could be sure Picture Perfect hadn’t spotted him. There was no one else to worry about; these levels of the building had already been cleared for the photoshoot, and everyone who’d been working on that had since fled or been captured. He was alone (abandoned, discarded, forgotten), except for the akuma. But a moment’s respite, a chance to pull himself together, and he could—

“Adrien?”

He froze, hand already stretched out to activate his ring. A few feet away, crawling through one of the windows that lined the conference room he’d stumbled into, was Ladybug. She seemed similarly shocked, one foot brushing against the floor as she hung effortlessly from her yo-yo. Then she blinked, dropped, and darted across the room to grab his still hovering arm. “You’re hurt!”

“Yes...that is...I...,” Adrien stammered, trying to get a hold of himself. Why did she have to show up right now? As Adrien he was a walking lure for the akuma, bringing danger and distraction to his partner without any of his alter-ego’s support. He needed to become Chat Noir, but as long as she stayed that was an impossibility. “It’s no big deal, I’m fine. You should go after Picture Perfect; she’s a model the photographer decided didn’t match my style and replaced last minute. I think the akuma’s in her hair clip.” He might not be able to fight just yet, but he could give Ladybug as much information to prepare her as he knew.

Ladybug, apparently, had other plans. “I’m not going to  _ leave  _ you,” she gasped, her grip on his arm tightening. “You’re bleeding, and I'd bet the akuma’s after you specifically. I need to protect you for as long as you’re in danger.”

_ Dammit _ . This wasn’t like Jackadit, where Adrien had the time to slip away and transform. Picture Perfect was fast, angry, and focused. There’d be no escaping her, or Ladybug, if he let things wait too long. “I’m not important,” he said quickly, trying to impress on her his conviction. “There’s no one out there to stop her and I’ll only slow you down. Go after her, I’ll be safe enough here.”

“And what if something happens to you?” Ladybug shook her head, mouth drawn tight. Her fingers dug into his tattered shirt and the realization dropped onto Adrien that he wasn’t just the civilian form of Chat Noir; he was Adrien Agreste, and Ladybug had a crush on him.

“Please Adrien,” she continued softly, thoughts seemingly following the same path as his own. “I couldn’t let that happen.”

“I’m getting tired of this Adrien. Stop hiding!”

Adrien yelped as Ladybug flung him backwards and snapped out her yoyo, instinctively smashing the trio of full-length mirrors that had appeared inside the room. They looked to be part of a curve, maybe a larger circle. Was Picture Perfect changing her strategy from chasing him to trapping him, herding him back to where she prowled?

“Don't let her get your reflection!” he hissed, trying to make himself heard without giving away their hiding spot. “If you're completely in a mirror you go  _ into _ the mirror!”

Discovering that aspect of Picture Perfect’s power had been awful. The first person she’d captured had been the shoot director, the akuma bursting onto the set and throwing up a mirror in front of him before anyone even realized what had become of her after she’d disappeared in tears. Thankfully her mirrors seemed to harden once they contained a person; Adrien wouldn't soon forget the horror he'd felt as the now two-dimensional man clattered to the ground heavily enough to destroy any normal mirror. Directly fatal akumas were rare and even the promise of Ladybug’s restoration post-battle didn't dispel the gutpunch of fear whenever one appeared. One of these days it wouldn't be enough. One of these days someone wouldn't come back, and Adrien knew a part of him would be lost as well.

“Thanks.” Ladybug turned, nodding her acknowledgement, then motioned for Adrien to stay still. He decided to follow her lead for the moment, but scanned the room for anything he could use to help her when the fight inevitably began.

Another group of mirrors, this time smashing on their own as Adrien and Ladybug dropped as one to the ground and out of sight. From the hallway came the sound of clicking heels, the slow tapping belying the threat in each step. Ladybug rose to a crouch, motioning again for Adrien to keep his position, and crept towards the door. Her expression contained a myriad of emotions—worry, determination, fear for herself and her companion (he’d seen both types enough to distinguish the two)—and he abruptly had a very bad feeling.

“What are you doing?” Adrien started to ask, but before he could get out more than a wha- Ladybug had put her plan in motion. It consisted of throwing the door open, shouting “Hey!” to the passing akuma, then letting it swing shut to, he was sure, recreate the barrier between him and any danger. Leaving her alone with an angry and powerful enemy and no backup on the way. As a semi-professional reckless plan follower Adrien was both impressed and terrified.

“I can’t believe I ever thought she was levelheaded,” he muttered to himself in an exasperated breath, following his partner’s lead and creeping up to the door. He heard muted shouting. “She knows damn well she can’t be both hero and bait, but does that stop her? No, she has to take every enemy head on, to hell with the consequences. This is why she needs me around, to keep her from completely—”

Adrien’s thoughts skittered to a halt as the meaning of what he was saying hit him. It felt as if he’d been punched (except over the course of being Chat Noir he’d been punched quite a lot, and this didn’t hurt near as much), as if the floor had shifted beneath his feet to an entirely new angle.

“She needs me,” he repeated, savoring the words as they left his mouth. Sure he’d heard them before, from Ladybug herself even, but they’d never stuck, never felt real. He’d never really believed it from other people, when all he’d ever seen himself was proof of the opposite. But that…that was wrong. If she needed him now, as she so obviously did, then maybe she’d needed him in the past as well. Was he maybe not as useless as he’d thought?

A loud clatter in the hallway brought Adrien’s attention back to the danger he and Ladybug were in. He pressed his ear against the wood separating him from his partner and prayed she was alright.

“I know you hid him,” Picture Perfect snarled, her voice muffled but still dripping menace. “Tell me where, and I won't hurt you too badly when I rip those pretty studs from your ears.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

Adrien couldn't see her face, but he'd spent enough time learning the moods of the girl he loved to recognize dangerously angry when he heard it. That was real, powerful emotion in Ladybug's voice, because of him. She was being completely reckless, yes, but she was also going up alone against a serious enemy because the alternative was letting him get hurt. A chill ran down Adrien’s spine and he listened closer for any further sounds of battle.

This...this was more than a crush. He'd been sure her feelings were like those of so many of his fans—shallow, fleeting, based on his looks and money and nothing else. It wasn't that unexpected, even for someone as confident and mature as Ladybug. But how she was acting felt like something radically different.

It felt like love.

Ladybug’s voice echoed in a frustrated shout, proof that all was not well. Adrien got to his feet, head spinning from elation and validation. Ladybug loved him. Ladybug needed him. She might not know it yet, but everything would finally be perfect if he could just show her…

“Claws out,” he whispered, and slipped through the door.

Facing away from him was Picture Perfect, form-fitting navy blue dress encrusted with mirror shards, dark silky hair held in place by a simple barrette. The plain style was at odds with her flashy outfit, but knowing how akumas worked Adrien guessed it was some sort of family heirloom, treasured for its memories rather than its monetary worth. She hardly looked out of breath, her calm, cocky smirk reflected for an eternity by the cracked and shattered mirrors surrounding her.

Ladybug didn’t look nearly as at ease. The confined space of the hallway had clearly been restricting her movements, making it harder for her to escape the mirrors or swing around the akuma for a better angle to get the upper hand. Her suit had dozens of tiny cuts and blood oozed down her cheek from a deep one right under her mask. Still, her stance was resolute as Adrien bounded silently into the hallway and made eye contact, winking at the love of his life. That was his Lady—even alone and outmatched she’d been nowhere near giving up.

“Is that all you’ve got?” Ladybug taunted loudly. She spread her arms, drawing Picture Perfect’s attention as Adrien crept closer. Oh she was incredible. Hardly a moment’s thought and she’d realized the importance of keeping the akuma focused on her, rather than the reflections that could give away her partner’s position.

“I don’t know if you can handle my worst, sweetheart,” Picture Perfect cooed, brushing a stray lock off her forehead. “You hardly seem fit to fight as it is. Why don’t you just give up already?”

“Never.”

“Oh well. Plan B.”

A prickle on the back of Adrien’s neck had him springing to the side, just in time to avoid the mirror that fell from the ceiling to crash where he’d been crouching. He pressed his back to the wall and hissed at Picture Perfect, who was giggling to herself.

“Did you really think I couldn’t see you, kitty cat?”

Adrien bit back a response, not wanting to provoke the akuma further. Taunts and jeers were a valued part of his arsenal, but not when he and Ladybug were all but trapped. Instead he pushed off from the wall, flying to the wall across the hallway and using his momentum to spring forward. Picture Perfect lashed out as he shot by but he twisted away, striking a stumbling landing beside his partner. He grinned. “Need a paw, my Lady?”

“Always.” The softness in Ladybug’s eyes was quickly erased as she focused back on their enemy, but its mere existence threw fuel on the blaze in Adrien’s heart. She knew now, right? She’d seen him come out of the same room she’d left Adrien hiding in, it was obvious! She needed Chat, she loved Adrien, put them together and of course she’d look at him with such sweetness. Everything was coming together, what could go wrong now?

They made short work of Picture Perfect. How could they not, now that they were working together? Her mirrors were powerful, dangerous, but with Ladybug’s yoyo smashing them as soon as they appeared Adrien was able to vault above the akuma unharmed and snag the clip from her hair for purification. They didn’t even need to use Cataclysm or Lucky Charm, although Ladybug still summoned one after the fight was over (a firecracker? Adrien was glad he wasn’t the one in charge of figuring out how to use the magical items, because he’d be lost) so she could restore the damage from Picture Perfect’s rampage.

“Good work,” the two said in unison, fists thumping together as they had so many times before. On the floor behind them sat Sofia, overwhelmed by the shock most akuma victims felt after they were freed. Normally Adrien tried to help them, especially when he hadn’t used Cataclysm and thus didn’t need to run off to feed Plagg. Not today though. His chest was afire and everything was going to be perfect and he needed to talk with Ladybug right away.

“Can we—” he began.

“Where’s Adrien?” Ladybug interrupted. Adrien’s heart froze.

“What?” he choked out.

“Adrien,” she repeated, pulling him away from Sofia’s hearing. “You didn’t just leave him in there when you found him, right? I would’ve stayed but Picture Perfect needed to be distracted.”

“I…”

Ladybug’s big blue eyes narrowed. Her lips tightened. “Chat Noir. What’s going on.”

“Adrien’s fine,” Adrien heard himself whisper. She didn’t know, didn’t even suspect. Had he been deluding himself? Or was the thought of her crush being her partner so ludicrous, so horrible, that Ladybug dismissed it automatically? “He told me what was happening and I slid him out the window on my baton.”

“Thank God,” Ladybug sighed . Her entire body relaxed as she smiled widely at him. “I’m sorry for worrying even for a second that you hadn’t made sure he was safe. Even after…after everything, I know you’re a good person. You’re better than that.”

Adrien stayed dumb as Ladybug leaned over to press a quick kiss against his cheek, pulling back afterward just enough to give him a hug instead, the way she’d been trying to so often lately. “Thanks for being such a good friend,” she breathed into his ear. “My best friend. Nothing’s going to change that.”

At an insistent beep from her earrings Ladybug jumped away, promising to meet up for a post-battle discussion later that night. Then she was gone. Adrien stared at the room she’d disappeared into, the same room he’d realized (hoped? imagined?) that she loved him, the room where he’d let himself start to believe for a few stupid moments that everything might turn out alright, and felt the shaky supports he’d been building since this whole mess began crumble into dust.

“Are you alright?” Sofia asked from where she suddenly stood just a foot away, sweet brown eyes peering up at him with concern. The brush of her fingers against his arm was like lightning, shocking him back into awareness of his body. He shuddered.

“I think I’m going to throw up,” Adrien croaked, and ran.

He didn’t stop for quite some time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you believe the first part of this chapter has been written for literally a year? Then I got into Les Mis and Critical Role and Yuri on Ice and the Miraculous Ladybug fandom got progressively less appealing and WOW all my inspiration died a hideous terrible death. But I wanted to get at least something out for you guys to thank you for sticking around so long (also I quit my job last week so lots of free time yaaaay) so I focused all my writing energies onto getting a new chapter ready. Anyway it's been a while since I played around in this universe so I hope everything's consistent irt to characterization and tone and God I'm so sorry about _this_ being your relief from waiting I promise I actually love Adrien very much 0_0


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